


Coming Home

by Storytelling_Sparrow



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Anxiety Attacks, Bisexual Logic | Logan Sanders, Demiromantic Logic | Logan Sanders, Demisexual Logic | Logan Sanders, Disassociation, Disaster Gays, Eventual LAMP/CALM - Freeform, Everyone Is Gay, Gender Dysphoria, Genderqueer Morality | Patton Sanders, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Mutual Pining, Pansexual Morality | Patton Sanders, Past Anxceit, Polyamory, Queer Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Queer Creativity | Roman Sanders, Trans Male Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Transmasculine Logic | Logan Sanders, virgil is confused
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-03-13 03:21:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18932377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Storytelling_Sparrow/pseuds/Storytelling_Sparrow
Summary: What happens when four disaster gays live together? Let's find out





	1. Chapter 1

Virgil laid on his back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling as Brendon Urie crooned in his ear.

_ /I don’t trust anything/Or anyone/Below the sun/And I don’t feel anything/At all/I’m king of the clouds/Of the clouds/I get lifted/I get lifted/ _

He sighed and closed his eyes, running his hands through his messy purple hair. He loved Panic! At The Disco, and their latest album was incredible, but he couldn’t even bring himself to sing along. That’s when he knew things were bad.

He hadn’t been feeling like himself these days. He mostly felt numb; well, when he wasn’t feeling anxious. He’d made the mistake of looking in the mirror after a shower a couple weeks ago for too long, studying his features intensely. The result of that had been disturbing; he no longer recognized the face that stared back at him. It had freaked him out enough to where he started avoiding mirrors altogether.

Virgil had been hoping to get his mind off of things, to just listen to his favorite music and let go for a while. Unfortunately, it didn’t seem to be working. He briefly contemplated going to ask the others for help, but Logan had been so busy studying for finals and Patton was putting in as many hours as he could at the Humane Society animal shelter… They both had enough on their plate without Virgil dumping his problems on them as well. And he couldn’t even handle talking to Roman about it. Lately, he’d been getting more than unwelcome feelings towards him and that was a complication he did _ not  _ have the energy to deal with.

The song ended and began anew. Virgil took his headphones off, paused the music, and sighed in irritation. He shifted on the bed to get more comfortable, adjusting his binder as he did so. He’d been wearing it more often than was recommended, but his dysphoria was almost non-stop and it was the only way he could cope at this point. He hated his body, but top surgery just wasn’t an option for him right now. The negative thoughts began to swirl in his head on an endless loop. _ “What’s wrong with me? What am I doing here? Why am I me and not someone else? Who am-” _

A knock at the door snapped him out of it. “Shit,” Virgil muttered as he sat up, tugging his shirt down and taking a shaky breath before answering. “Come in.”

The door opened and of  _ course _ there stood Roman, his long brown hair tied in a ponytail. Loose strands of it framed his face, almost artfully. “Heya, Virge. We were thinking of just fending for ourselves for dinner tonight since Padre and Calculator Watch are both working late. You have off today right?” That warm smile of his always made Virgil want to blush, and he looked away before he could.

“Yeah, I have off today. Talyn had some family stuff so we switched shifts this weekend. They’re working for me today and I’m covering their 4-10 shift tomorrow. I meant to write it on the kitchen calendar… that was my bad. Sorry, Ro.” Virgil winced at how rough and scratchy his voice was. It must have been longer than he’d thought since he’d actually spoken aloud. He cleared his throat and swept his bangs out of his eyes.

“That’s okay, I’ll write it on there for you.” Roman leaned against the door frame, crossing his legs in front of him. “So I have a question for you.” Virgil nodded for him to continue, shoving the unwanted feelings away and trying to ignore how cute Roman was in that crop top of his.

“Okay, so I have off today too but I was wanting to go see a movie later with Valerie and Jahmal. I was wondering if you wanted to join us?”

Virgil looked surprised. Sure, he and Roman were friends. They were all friends; him and Roman and Patton and Logan. But they all had other friends too, and this was the first time Roman had invited Virgil to hang out with his theatre friends. Roman spoke again, his voice softer and laced with what seemed like concern. “I’ve noticed you’ve been more on edge than usual lately. You haven’t been out of your room much when you’re home. I thought maybe an evening out with friends might help. And I really would like you to come with me. With us.”

Virgil briefly met Roman’s gaze and was surprised to see the worry in his eyes.  _ “He cares about you… Say something, you idiot!” _ Before he could change his mind, Virgil found himself replying, “Yeah, what time were you wanting to leave?" 

Roman’s grin widened, his green eyes sparkling with happiness and relief. "Wonderful! The movie starts at 7pm so we’ll leave here around 6:30pm. Oh, and Virge?” Roman then gave Virgil an almost flirtatious look. 

“Um.. yeah, Ro?” Virgil felt something weird in his stomach and shoved the feelings down harder. He couldn’t  _ deal _ with those right now. But Roman’s green eyes were full of warmth and mischievous intent and this time Virgil couldn’t stop the blush that turned his cheeks pink.

“Do me a favor and wear those black skinny jeans of yours? I love the way you look in them.” Virgil blinked and nodded. “Uh, yeah… I can- I’ll do that.” Roman winked then left the room before Virgil could say anything else. He blinked a few times more then flopped back on to the bed, mind racing. 

_ “What the actual fuck just happened?” _

***

Virgil went downstairs a couple hours later. He had tried in vain to relax but all he ended up doing was pacing the floor of his room. The conversation with Roman kept playing non-stop in his head. He had wanted to stay in his room until the sun went away but hunger was gnawing at his stomach. Virgil entered the kitchen and saw Logan and Patton sitting at the table. Patton was laughing and Logan was smiling, his expression soft. _ “What the hell is going on today?” _ Virgil thought to himself. Logan and Patton got along well enough but their interaction almost seemed- no, he was probably just imagining things. He glanced down at Patton’s wrist to see a blue bracelet- that meant he/him pronouns today.

“Um, hey guys. What’s up?” Virgil tried to keep his voice nonchalant. Patton stopped laughing and turned to face Virgil with a concerned expression. “Virgil! Finally; it’s like we haven’t seen you all month. Are you feeling okay? Are you hungry?” Virgil blushed at the sudden attention. He glanced over at Logan and was surprised to see a look of concern on his face as well. 

Patton stood and went to the fridge, pulling out lunch meat and cheese. “I’ll make you a sandwich, Virge. Do you want turkey or ham?” Virgil frowned, eyebrows furrowing together as he quickly looked down at the floor. His hand automatically went to the back of his neck. “Pat, I’m not- I mean, I’m not, you don’t have to….” his voice trailed off. He didn’t know what to say. He knew his friends cared about him, of course, but they were making him anxious with all the sudden attention.

“Virgil? Baby, are you okay?” Patton’s voice was so soft and sweet and Virgil grew tense. He looked up to see that Logan had stood up and walked over to him. His hands gently guided Virgil to the empty chair. “Virgil. Let us help you, okay?” Virgil nodded and tried to focus on his surroundings but he felt like he couldn’t breathe. Logan wrapped an arm around him and said in a low voice, “Virgil. Are you alright? Is there anything I can do to help?” Virgil swore he could feel his heart jumping all over the place. Since when did Logan’s voice have that effect on him?

It was too much for him to handle. Virgil stood up again, the anxiety twisting knots in his stomach. “Look, guys, I’m fine ok? Just… It’s nearly 3pm, you both have to go get ready for work soon. I have to go get ready too; Roman invited me out tonight. Have a good day at work, see you later.” He rushed out of the kitchen and back upstairs before the others could say anything.

He closed his bedroom door, heart racing wildly for no apparent reason. Logan had actually- he’d been going to hug him? Out of all of them, Logan was definitely the least affectionate. And Patton calling him baby. What was that even about? Honey or sweetie or kiddo, sure, but  _ baby? _ Virgil ran a hand through his hair in irritation.

Roman flirting with him. Patton calling him baby. Patton flirting with Logan, and Logan showing more affection than usual. What the hell was going on in this house?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman and Virgil have a... date?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: dysphoria, disassociation, nightmare mention, food mention, incorrect binding (please do not do what Virgil is doing; it is so important to listen to your body when binding!)

Virgil stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his body and grabbing another to dry his hair. Nothing like the anxiety of having to go out in public to override his lack of energy to do just about anything. He stood there for a moment in an attempt to stay calm. His thoughts kept wanting to linger on the awkwardness that had been his encounter with Patton and Logan earlier… No, he couldn’t dwell on that right now. He needed to focus on one issue at a time. Virgil shook his head and let out a sigh as he went to grab his clothes.

Twenty One Pilots was blasting from his Bluetooth speaker, a comforting background noise to help settle the thoughts in his head. He tried to at least hum along as he began to get ready. Virgil had only met Jahmal once in passing; he didn’t remember ever meeting Valerie. To say he was nervous was putting it mildly; he didn’t want to be the odd one out, and definitely didn’t want to embarrass himself or Roman. _ “Fuck, why did I even agree to this again?” _ The thought of Roman in that crop top of his set his cheeks aflame.  _ “Oh yeah, right…” _

He finished drying off and got dressed. The blush didn’t go away as he pulled on his skinny jeans. The ones that Roman apparently liked on him. He glanced at his chest binder that he’d laid on the bed. His ribs ached but it wasn’t too bad, he told himself. “A little pain never hurt anyone, right? I can deal with this. It’ll be worth it.” He pulled it on, ignoring the slight pain in his chest as he pulled his shirt on as well.

Virgil re-entered through the door that joined his bathroom and bedroom, exhaling slowly as he forced himself to look in the mirror. Logically, he knew it was his reflection staring back but it still felt wrong, like looking in a funhouse mirror. He did his best to ignore the chill that ran down his spine as he combed his hair. At first, he just did his usual makeup but decided on eyeliner and his favorite purple lipstick at the last minute as well. If he was going to have to deal with people he may as well look good.

By the time he finished getting ready, it was nearly 6pm. He checked his outfit one last time in the mirror, avoiding looking at his face, before heading downstairs. Roman was lounging on the couch in the living room, and holy stars he looked hotter than usual.

“Hey, there you are! You look incredible, V! What do you think of my outfit?” Roman asked as he jumped up and twirled around. Virgil smiled despite himself and took the opportunity to check out Roman. His hair was in one long braid, his makeup was perfect, and damn, Virgil didn’t realize how much he loved rolled up sleeves until now. 

“Yeah, no, you look amazing. But um, aren’t we just going out with your friends? You’re a little dressed up, you know? Not that you don’t look good, cause you totally do, I mean you look hot, um, I mean, I, yeah,” Virgil stammered as he felt the blush creep up his cheeks. 

Roman laughed and gave Virgil a wink. “Aw, you think I’m hot? You’re looking pretty good yourself, Hot Topic. Anyways, are you ready to go? I know it’s still early but if we leave now we can get good seats for the movie! Plus we’ll have to get popcorn, and cookie dough bites, right?”

Virgil nodded and bit at his lower lip. “I thought, um, you didn’t like cookie dough bites.”

Roman gave Virgil a warm smile. “I don’t, but you do.”

Virgil’s heart was doing backflips. He gulped and nodded his head towards the door. “Um, thanks, Roman. But yeah, I’m ready, are we taking your car?" 

"Yes, of course! And I’m paying, so don’t you dare think of taking out your wallet!” Roman announced as he headed out the front door. Virgil followed and got in the car. Things were suspicious enough as it was but he refused to let himself think of what this outing seemed to be.

As they pulled out of the driveway, Roman asked “Hey, want to put in a CD? I don’t feel like listening to the radio.” Virgil nodded, trying and failing to ignore how close he was to Roman, and how good he smelled. He smiled as he grabbed the Pray For The Wicked album and popped it into the CD player. Roman glanced to see what Virgil had chosen and grinned.

“Excellent choice; put it on track five! That song is my _ jam _ , broham!” Virgil couldn’t help but laugh as he skipped to track five. Roman immediately started singing, his amazing voice filling the car.

_ /Broadway is black like a sinkhole/Everyone raced to the suburbs/And I’m on the rooftop with curious strangers/This is the oddest of summers/Maybe I’ll medicate, maybe inebriate/Strange situations, I get anxious/Maybe I’ll smile a bit, maybe the opposite/But pray that they don’t call me thankless/ _

Roman’s high energy was contagious, and Virgil found himself singing along. They sounded pretty good together, almost like they were meant to sing this as a duet.

_ /My tell-tale heart’s a hammer in my chest/Cut me a silk-tied tourniquet/This is my roaring/Roaring 20’s/I don’t even know me/Roll me like a blunt/Cause I wanna go home/Roll me like a blunt/Cause I wanna go home/ _

They sang and chatted for a bit until they got to the movie theater. It looked pretty sparse, thankfully, and they were able to get a decent parking spot. Roman was out of the car before Virgil even got a chance to unbuckle. “What the heck, dude?” Virgil asked, turning to see where Roman had gone off to so quickly. Roman had opened his car door for him and held out a hand. 

“I’m a perfect gentleman, I had to open the door for you!” Roman’s hand was warm in his as he got out of the car and walked towards the theatre. 

“Hey, did you tell your friends that we were getting here early?” Virgil asked, unsure of what to do. He hadn’t yet let go of Roman’s hand, though he really should have by now. In his defense, Roman hadn’t let go of his hand, either. 

Roman looked confused at the mention of his friends then chuckled nervously. “Oh, um right, they, ah, can’t make it. Looks like it’s just the two of us!”

“Right, um, that’s cool,” Virgil said. He narrowed his eyes in suspicion. This whole thing was just weird, but he couldn’t let himself panic about that right now. There was no way this was a- anything more than a movie with a friend.  _ “Just friends… right.” _

True to his word, Roman bought their movie tickets and the snacks. There weren’t many people in the movie theater so Roman bounded up the steps and got seats directly in the middle. “Perfect!” They sat down and started munching on the popcorn. Virgil grabbed the cookie dough bites from Roman’s lap and opened them to nibble on as well.

If you asked him about it later, he wouldn’t be able to tell you much about the movie. Roman was incredibly close; all Virgil could focus on was the warmth of Roman’s arm against his and the fact that their hands would occasionally touch when they grabbed for the popcorn. Virgil felt almost happy, which was a surprising and unexpected feeling to have considering he hadn’t felt it in weeks. This was the best he’d felt in a long time.

***

“So where to for dinner, Virge? I was thinking maybe Italian, ooh or maybe sushi? You can have the final say!” Roman asked as they got back in the car. Virgil smiled sheepishly before replying.

“Hmm, sushi sounds delicious. There’s actually this new place I’ve been wanting to try down on 5th Street; Talyn said they have it to where you can build your own sushi roll and they have the best bubble tea in town.” Roman nodded in agreement as the drove out of the parking lot.

“Yeah, that sounds good! Oh hey, let’s jam out to some more music! Want a different CD or the same?" 

"Definitely the same, but we can start at the beginning this time.”

The rest of the night passed without a hitch; Virgil’s cheeks actually hurt from smiling so much. Virgil had tried to pay for his own dinner but Roman waved him away. “No, no, this is one's on me!” The sushi was even better than Talyn had promised, and the bubble tea was indeed the best Virgil had ever had. 

Roman was flirty the whole night and kept almost a constant hold of Virgil’s hand. Virgil surprised himself by flirting back, and he loved making Roman laugh and seeing him so happy to be in Virgil’s company. He almost let himself think of what this situation really was- a date. Roman hadn’t said that’s what it was, but it’s certainly what it _ felt  _ like. And Virgil could handle that… maybe.

When they got home, Roman opened the car door for him again. As they got inside, Roman turned to face Virgil.

“I had so much fun with you, thank you for joining me. Maybe we could do that again sometime?” His voice was so hopeful and Virgil blushed, smiling softly.

“Yeah, I’d love that. I had a really good time, thank you for inviting me. Sorry, um, about your friends not being able to come.” Roman shrugged.

“To be honest, I’m really glad it ended up being only the two of us.” He gently took Virgil’s hands in his and pulled him in for a hug. Virgil hugged back, relishing the warmth of him. They stayed like that for only a few moments before Roman pulled away. Virgil bit his lip to stop himself from whimpering in protest.

“Hey, I know it’s still a bit early but you should probably head to bed. I have a feeling you haven’t been getting much sleep lately. Try some soft music, maybe? I’ll send you a playlist, see if it’ll help. I care about you so much, Virgil… I really want you to know that.” Roman lifted Virgil’s hand to his lips and kissed it gently. 

The butterflies in Virgil’s stomach were fluttering non-stop, and he felt the blush spread up to his ears. “Yeah, I know that. I care about you too; and thank you for everything tonight, Ro. I’ll head upstairs to bed, okay? Tell Patton and Logan good night for me, if you get the chance.” Roman nodded and went into his room as Virgil headed upstairs to his. 

For the first time in what seemed like forever, Virgil fell asleep peacefully with no horrifying nightmares and no negative thoughts to keep him tossing and turning all night. He should have known the good feelings wouldn’t last.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil is struggling and Logan won't let him handle it alone anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings for this chapter: Nightmare, yelling, cursing, incorrect binding (Please do not do what Virgil is doing!), mentions of smoking (very brief)

The classroom was empty when he got there. He took a seat in his usual spot and looked around, confused. Something about this seemed off. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it (he hated it when his anxiety was just vague) but  _ something _ was off. Students he didn’t recognize began filing in, chatting among themselves and paying him no mind. Roman was the last one to enter the room, and when he did he walked right over to Virgil’s desk.

 

“We need to talk.” Roman’s tone was lower than usual, almost mean, and his expression held something that looked an awful lot like hatred. Virgil’s stomach clenched and he gripped the edges of the desk so hard his knuckles turned white. Instinct screamed at him to leave, to run away, but fear held him frozen in place. 

 

“Um, okay, what-” Virgil gasped and clapped a hand over his mouth, bile rising in his throat. That wasn’t his voice. That  _ couldn’t  _ be his voice, it was too high-pitched. What was happening? He stared in wide-eyed horror at Roman, who just shook his head.

 

“Look. You’re disgusting, you’re a liar, and we can’t be together. I don’t even want to be  _ friends  _ with someone like you. So stay the hell away from me. You got that, Claire?”

 

Virgil exhaled sharply, the words hitting him like a blow to the chest. He couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. No one had called him by that name in years. Hearing it aloud like that was akin to nails on a chalkboard. Roman continued with his rant, the cold, angry look on his face unfamiliar and cruel.

 

“I can’t believe you lied to me, to all of us. You’re not a real man and you never will be. Who do you even think you are? You’re not good enough, Claire. You will _never_ be good enough.” The other students had turned to face him, laughing and making rude, derogatory comments.

 

Virgil squeezed his eyes shut, breathing shallow and rapid in his panic. “No, no, this is just a bad dream, come on, wake up wake up _wake up-”_

 

He opened his eyes and sat up, sweat matting his hair to his forehead and blankets a tangled mess on the floor. A glance at the alarm clock told him it was 4:17 am. His chest hurt so badly, like his ribs were being compressed. He looked down and saw his binder, his mostly flat chest. He knew he should take it off but he didn’t.

 

Instead he laid back down, trying to ignore the tears falling down his face. This had been the fourth nightmare he’d had in as many days. They’d all been different, but tonight’s nightmare had been the worst by far. He rolled over on his side, clutching a pillow to his chest and sobbing. He could still hear Roman’s voice, still heard  _ that  _ name echoing in his head. He tossed and turned, trying and failing to fall back into sleep.

 

***

 

“Virgil, come on, wake up! Today’s the big day, babe!” Patton’s sweet voice called through the closed door. Virgil groaned and turned around in bed to face the door, wincing in pain. He’d never taken his binder off and now his ribs were throbbing worse than before.

 

He hesitated, then called out, “Yeah, Pat, I’ll be down in a bit.” His voice was deeper, back to normal. Virgil sighed in relief. He could hear Patton’s footsteps retreat down the hallway. Virgil took as deep a breath as possible before sitting up, the sharp pain in his chest causing him to cry out. He stood and stumbled into his bathroom, closing the door behind him.  _ “Today is going to fucking suck.” _

 

***

 

“Hey Lo-Lo, hey Roman!” Patton exclaimed brightly as they skipped into the kitchen. Logan looked up over his coffee cup and smiled warmly at them, a light blush spreading across his cheeks. Patton twirled around, their blue skirt flowing out around them. Roman laughed and embraced Patton, planting a soft kiss on their nose.

 

“Good morning, sunshine! You look absolutely lovely in that skirt! What pronouns are we using today?” Patton giggled and showed him their purple bracelet.

 

“They/them today! It’s a non-binary kinda day,” they replied as they sat down across from Logan. “Speaking of today, we have to go to the store. We’re out of eggs and we need snacks for tonight’s movie marathon!”

 

Logan nodded and gestured to Roman. “Well it would be better for you to go to the store now that way none of us feel rushed for time. I know you’d talked about baking a cake from scratch, Patton, and if you still plan on doing that we’ll also need flour.”

 

“Okay, thank you for reminding me, Lo! Roman, could we go now? Maybe all four of us could go, like an adventure!” Patton bounced up and down in

their seat. “But our stormcloud isn’t awake all the way yet, I don’t think. Should I go call for him again?” 

 

Logan reached out for Patton’s hand and shook his head. “No, that’s alright. You two go, I’ll stay here and talk to Virgil.” Patton’s face fell, a frown slowly replacing their smile.

 

“I understand, Loganberry. I’m worried about him; he’s been acting so strange and distant lately.”

 

Roman glanced up at the ceiling, towards where Virgil’s bedroom was. “I mean, him and I had gone out last week and he seemed happy. But then a couple days ago he started freezing me out again… I think he’s been doing that to all of us.”

 

The three of them fell silent, the worry and sadness they all felt nearly tangible. Logan cleared his throat and stood from the table. “You two go get what you need to from the store. I’ll go see if I can get Virgil to talk to me.”

 

As soon as Patton and Roman were out the front door, Logan headed up the stairs. He hesitated outside Virgil’s door for several long moments before knocking. “Virgil? Can I come in?”

 

Silence. Logan waited, then knocked again, a little harder this time. “Virgil, are you awake? I really need to talk to you, this is important.” He waited for a reply, but all he heard was a muffled noise that sounded a lot like coughing. Panic setting in, he opened the bedroom door. But Virgil wasn’t there. He could see the comforter, a tangled heap on the floor. The trash can that sat by Virgil’s desk was knocked over, crumpled papers spilling out of it. Another cough, louder, came from the bathroom. Logan rushed over to the bathroom door, a hand on the doorknob. “Virge, honey, are you alright? What’s going on?” 

 

“I’m fine, Logan. Please just go away.” Virgil answered, his voice raspy. 

 

“I’m inclined not to believe you, given the current situation. Please let me in, I can h-”

 

“No!” Virgil cried out, and Logan heard the sharp click of the bathroom door locking. “Just go away, alright? I don’t need your fucking help. Get out of my room.”

 

Logan took an involuntary step back, as if Virgil’s words had physically struck him. He took a moment to take a deep breath, then tried again. “I’m going to ignore that statement because it is clear you’re speaking out of anger. Please either come out, or let me in so I can help.”

 

The door burst open and Virgil was standing there, leaning against the doorway with one arm wrapped around his chest, breaths coming in short gasps. Logan looks at Virgil’s chest and realization strikes him. “Virgil, take off your binder. How long have you had it on?”

 

Virgil shook his head. “No. It’s none of your business. Get away from me, okay? You don’t understand anything! You don’t-” his words devolve into a coughing fit and the world is spinning and he can feel himself falling. But then Logan’s arms are around him, gently guiding him to the bed. 

 

“I’m going to leave the room for a minute and while I’m gone you are going to take your binder off.” Logan’s voice was firm despite being laced with concern. Virgil tried to argue but was cut off by Logan.

 

“Virgil Leon Grey, don’t you  _ dare _ . I know dysphoria can be difficult to deal with, but it shouldn’t be at the expense of your health. You are going to do as I say, and you are  _ not _ going to argue about it. You think you’re stubborn? You’ve got _ nothing _ on me.” Logan stood, and Virgil could see he was trembling a bit.

 

“I… yeah okay. Just… I’ll take it off,” he mumbled, eyes downcast. He’d never heard Logan sound so upset, not in all the time he’d known him. Logan left the room and Virgil did as was asked of him. Once he got situated, he called out “Okay, come back in.”

 

Logan re-entered the room. Virgil’s binder was laying folded on the edge of the bed. Virgil had taken the comforter from the floor and was clutching it to his chest like a lifeline. Logan sat next to his friend and asked “What’s been going on? Talk to me, please. I care about you, Virgil. You’re one of my best friends and I want to help.”

 

There was such tender care in his voice. Virgil bit his lip, not sure what to say or where to start. “I…. I’m sorry. I just, I’ve been having these nightmares, these awful nightmares, and dysphoria is being way worse than usual and I miss smoking and I miss Damien and I’m just so confused and tired all of the time.” Virgil covered his face with his hands. He hadn’t meant to say all that but once he’d started talking he couldn’t bring himself to stop.

 

“That’s quite a lot on your plate. You could have… why didn’t you say something? You haven’t started smoking again, have you?” Logan gently rested a hand on Virgil’s back. He could feel the heat of it radiating off of him, even through his shirt, and Virgil found himself leaning into Logan’s touch.

 

“No, don’t worry, I haven’t. And… I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to bother you. I didn’t want to bother anyone. You were busy studying for finals and Patton was putting in way more hours than usual and Roman… I just  _ couldn’t _ say anything.” Virgil sighed and looked up into Logan’s eyes to find him staring at him with a look so sad, it made Virgil feel guilty. Before he could say anything, Logan spoke again, this time in barely a whisper.

  
  


“Can I hug you, V?”

 

Virgil just nodded and sighed with relief when Logan embraced him. This was nice. Logan was warm and he smelled really good and his arms were so strong and Virgil felt himself relax, not even caring that he was blushing. “I’m sorry, Lo… I didn’t mean to snap at you. I shouldn’t have done that.”

 

“It’s alright, V. I forgive you. However, I’m going to ask that you not wear your binder for a week. Your ribs need time to rest. I know it’s going to suck, but honestly you did this to yourself.”

 

Virgil looked up at Logan. “Damn, dude. That’s pretty harsh.” Logan just smirked, and Virgil gave his friend a small smile, a blush creeping onto his cheeks as well. 

 

“Yes well, it’s true. Don’t scare me like that again, alright? And please, don’t you _ever_ think that you’re a bother. If something’s wrong, come talk to me. I’ll always be here for you, love, I promise.” Virgil nodded and felt himself dozing off. The last thing he felt was a soft kiss on his forehead before falling asleep.


End file.
